Your Mortal
by Mama Dunkins
Summary: My Immortal Parody  following Cissy S'mizzy Gooden Way and Draco Malfoy as they go through their romantic, poorly written days at Hogwarts. Extreme AU! RATED T FOR BAD ROMANCE SCENES... may damage brain cells and lower IQ levels.
1. Chapter 1: REAL Authors Note!

Dear Readers,

This is a parody of the real fanfiction, My Immortal- so therefore; all rights go to Tara Gillispie.

Also, may I warn you all that this parody fanfiction IS NO BETTER than the actual fanfiction. It will cause sudden lose of IQ and may melt reader's brains. It is rated T.

Thanks, yall.

-Mama Dunkins


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

AN: Uber-Special thankzies 2 my gf (haha not in THAT way, you sick-os!) Cecilia, sweetlolipops333 4 helpin mee with dis story and da spelling. U r amah-zing. Adam u r da lurv 3 of my uber-special life so u r amah-zing 2! KATY PERRY ROX!

Hey Hey my name is Cissy S'mizzy Gooden Way and I have long yellow blonde hair that's a little brown on the roots of my hair and that go a little above my mid back and gorgus bloo eyes. Loads of people tell me im like Dakota Fanning (AN: if you don't know whoo Dakota is get outta here! Pronto!). im not related to Britney Spears in any way but I tots wish because she has a body and skillz and hotness that I wud kill for! Im part mermaid but I don't have scales or any of that iky gills to ruin my perpect tan white skin. Im alzo a witch, and I go to a magik school called Hogwarts in Switzerland where im in the seventh year (im seventeen, btw). Im the most popular girl (in case you could not tell) and I wear mostly tight, sparkly stuff. I love Juicy Couture and Victoria Secret and Hollister and I buy almost all my clothes from there. For a little-itzy example, today I wuz wearing a hawt pink corset with black lace around it and a dark jean short shorts, black fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing apple cherry red lipstick, foundation, brown eyeliner and silver eye shadow. I got out of class and I was outside in the sunny and heavily clouded courtyard and I was wondering where all my gurlz were at when I realized a lot of lamos and nerds and goffik poserz were staring at me so I rolled my eyes at them and flicked my hair behind me and then turned around.

"Hey Cissy!" shouted a voice. I looked up from my manecured nails. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's uuuuuuup, Dracooo?" I asked.

"Nothing." Draco said shyly.

But then, I heard my populah bestiez gurl friends call for me to go to lunch (becuz im like the leader and they won't do anything without me) so I had to go before they starved to like deth.

AN: is IT good? Pleasey pleasey please with a little cherri on tawp tell me thankzies! 3


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thankzies to sweetlolipops333 for helpinin mee widda chaptaah! And liek stop flaming my storie kay?

The next day I woke up in my bed. The outside sky was uber-bright and cloudy again. I pushed away my covers and drank some 0 calorie milk shake. My bed had two layers of covers. The one underneath was cream colored with very small yellow swirlies on it and the one over that one is a fluffy hot pink silk. I got out of bed and took my pajama short shorts and tight pink tank top with the words HAWT across it in sparklie stuff. I put on my white denim shorts, a sparklie lavender tank, black leather jacket, and hot pink shoes. I neatly curled my hair so it fell like beautiful ocean wavey curls.

My friend, Chloe (AN: Cecilia dis is u!) woke up then sat up then smiled at me. She patted down her shoulder length blonde hair with light brown streaks and opened her sky blue eyes. She put on her striped yellow tight v neck tshirt, short shorts, a thick brown belt, and pointed high heels. Together we put our makeup on (pink lipstick brown eyeliner, mascara.)

"OMFG, I tots saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said uber-excited.

"Um, duh. So?" I said, blushing a little bit.

"Do you liek Draco?" she asked while we went out the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

I scoffed. "I soooo flippin' don't!"

She scoffed back. "Yeaaah right!" Just then, Draco walked up.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." I said back flirtily and ran my fingers thru my hair

"Guess what." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Lady Gaga are having a concert in Hogsmeade." He told me.

"O. M. Double. G." I screamed. I love Lady Gaga. She is my favorite singer, besides Katy Perry and Kesha.

"Well… do you wanna go wid me?" he asked.

I gasped.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: OMGEEE STOP FLAMMIN' MAI STORIE WANNABEZ OK! Other dan that thankzies 2 da popular grlz 4 ta fabuloso reviews! THANKZIES AGIN CECILIA! oh ya btw I don't own this or da lyriks 4 Lady Gaga.

On the night of the Lady gaga concert I put on my grai short boots. Underneath them were like black tights with flower paterns on eet. Then I put on a black uber-tight dress with sequinz on it and corset stuff. Then I put on a gold necklace and rings. I made my hair wavy so it flowed down and curled at the endz. I felt really popular so I got Chloe and we found this wannabe and tore her expensiv niu clothes and pinched her. I read a magazine on the top trends while I waited for her to stop crying and bleedin and listened to some Kesha. I painted my nails hot pink and put on TONS of brown eyeliner. Then I put on some red lipstick. I drank some low-cal fruit punch so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside and Draco was waiting there in front of his veri own flying car. He was wearing an Usher t-shirt (he was going to perform 2), baggy jeans, a backwards cap, and a little bling (AN: Loads of kool boyz wer it ok!)

"Hey Draco," I said in a flirty voice.

"Hi Cissy." He said. We cool-kid walked into his flying black puma convertible (the license plate said 6969696969696969696969) and flew to the concert place. On the way we excitedly listened to lady gaga. We both adjusted our bling and drank half-decaf skinny macchiatos with a hint of cinnamon raspberry. When we got there we both jumped out of the car. We went to the dance floor at the front of da stage and rubbed against people as we listened to lady gaga.

"I'm on a mission and it involves some heavy touching yeaaah. You've indicated your interest, Im educated in s*x, yes. And now I want it bad, want it bad. A love game, a love game." Sang Lady gaga (I don't own deh lyrix too that sawng)

"The drummer is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him rocking out while he filled the club with his beats.

Suddenly, Draco looked uber-sad.

"What's wrong, Draco?" I asked as we jumped to the moosic. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's so tots okay I dun like him better den u!" I said.

"For reals?" asked Draco and he put his arm around me all protective and hot like.

"Really!" I said. "Besides, he's dating some red-head. I fucking hate that little ginger." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly red face.

The night went really well and I had a super great time. As did Draco. After da concert we drank some beer and asked lady gaga and usher for their autographs and photos with them. We got lady g concert tees. Draco and I went back to the puma but Draco this time didn't go back into Hogwarts. Instead he drove his car into the… Forbidden Forest!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: omgies I sed stop flammin okie cissy's name is CYISS nut mary suee OKK? AND OMGIES DRACO IS SOOO TOTS IN LURV wif her dat hes acting all difrent! They new eacchoder b4 OK!

"DRACO!" I screamed loudly. "What the flippin gawd do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't say anathing but he stopped the car and walked out. I walked out too.

"What the heck?" I said very angrily.

"Cissy?" he said.

"What?" I said.

Draco leaned in uber-close and I looked into his shiny blue eyes which revealed so much hot popularness and richness and then I didn't feel angry no more.

And then… Draco suddenly kissed me passionatley. Draco went on top of me and we started tots frenching against a random tree. He took off my top (and it took a lot of effort since It was sooo tight) and I took of his clothes. I even took of my braaa. Then he put his UH-OH into my WOO-WOO and we did it for the bajillionth time- I mean OBVIOUSLY we're sooo popular that we do the GOOBYDOOBY with nearly eveeeeryyyone I know.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" I yelled. I was beginning to get an orgsm. We started to lick each others skin everywhere and my perpectly tan pale body became all warm and stuff. And then…

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU GOING HERE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!"

It was… Dumbledore!


End file.
